Monday, August 19, 2013

Resentments - Do we ever truly let them go?

I wonder if we ever truly get rid of resentments or, if we learn how not to let them affect us the way they once did, almost making it seem as if they no longer exist.  That is until something someone say's or does triggers those well kept resentments, and then BOOM! You're floating in an ocean of horrible memories, swimming to save your life once again.

I find for myself this tends to happen more with my mother, as it recently did. And although, I love her, she has a way of bringing out in me things that I was certain, were no longer a hindrance in my mind and heart. Leave it to good ole' mom she can actually make things I crumbled, burned and tossed in the incinerator, come back to life.

It's so darn easy to say "let it go, move on" Hell, I've said that plenty to myself and others. I think it's better to say "practice letting it go." Yes, practice until the pain lessens, and if the resentment comes back, full speed, straight ahead, practice some more.

For we are not perfect, but we can still move positively forward in life, while practicing the art letting go.








23 comments:

  1. I let things go in a way that is good for me, but i never forget

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  2. Well said! I struggle a lot with resentment, and it seems like everyone else can let go--why can't I? Of course, others struggle with it just as I do. I love the idea of practicing letting go--not trying to be perfect at it, but trying to do it.

    Thank you for this, Madison. :-)

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  3. Really like this, Madison. I believe it takes TONS of practice to let resentments go. I struggle with this myself. I'm trying to learn to forgive because, honestly, it's especially good for me (and I also believe it's the moral thing to do, but mostly I know it's good for me!) I recently heard it said that resentment is like taking a poisoned pill, but expecting the other person to die. It's hard to fight it, especially when the person keeps re-offending. But the peace of my heart and mind is worth the effort to fight hanging onto any resentment by not massaging it, feeding it, stewing on it or helping it grow in any way. I don't try to convince myself that they didn't cause me pain or hurt me. I think that would be wrong to minimize my pain. But I also try not to give them control over me either. By holding on to resentments, it allows other people to control me without them even knowing! Anyway, I've spent a lot of time thinking about this stuff, as for many years it had a deep hold on me, made me really sick, and I'm sure fueled a lot of my OCD torment. Your post is great food for thought. Thanks.

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  4. I think letting go of resentments is one of the keys to happy living...because they harm us FAR more than they harm the other person.

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  5. I used to have problems with this one, but I went to a psychologist recently and he gave me the tools I needed to let go. :-)

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  6. I think letting go of things is different from forgetting them. We can let go, even if we remember. The key is to let go of those feelings they may have caused.

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  7. I think, at best, we can bury hurt and resentment, but I also think fresh hurts can make them rise from the dead again, so to speak. Then we have to pull out the shovel again. Is that the same thing as repression? No, I don't think so. I call it coping.

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    1. Hi Susan, I appreciate you reading my post.

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  8. Dear Madison,

    Trying to move on, or practice letting go, can be most difficult. Especially, if a memory of a situation you wish to move on from, gets dredged up. What I have come to realise it that complete closure is not always going to be a reality I desire. Sometimes you don't get the answers to your questions. My wife got pregnant a second time. We had both agreed to not have another child. I was not the father of that second child. Yes, my wife got pregnant by another man. The question "why" has never been answered. I cannot let the resentment destroy my life. Thus, we cannot let negative situations sabotage our right to a peaceful life.

    In peace and hope, your friend,

    Gary

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  9. Madison, appreciate your struggle and honesty here. We all move and heal differently. Some take longer than others. I know there are areas in my journey where I seem to heal a lot quicker than others. Praying for you dear one. Hugs.

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  10. This is so true. Everything seems so perfect and right after you have forgiven someone and moved on with your life. Then all of a sudden, you'll hear a word, get a thought or see something and all of that old bad stuff comes back in your face as if it was tomorrow. Resentment likes to hand on to you like skin. But a good scrubbing with soap and water will get it off, if you know what I mean. It can take a great deal of time to truly deal with, and we sometimes won't find out until we notice that those 'trigger' words or things don't bother us anymore. Great post.

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    1. RPD, thank you so much for visiting and reading my post.

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  11. Love your honesty.

    Letting go is Hard as Hell, but also Liberating. x

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