Friday, June 28, 2013

Reflecting, progress - Untreated mental illness.


Tonight, after a well intended bonding afternoon with my daughter turned argumentative, I began  thinking of all the things my mental illness's has taken away from me and even those around me. It has taken relationships, family, jobs, hope, opportunities and more. I sit here on my bed tonight reflecting and a bit saddened by my past, but let me assure you, not defeated.

I've heard it said that its okay to think of our difficult past's just as long as we don't allow it to dictate our present or future, so I guess I'm having a few non dictatorial moment's. In these, I  remember how ill I was, I also grieve for the many loses that my untreated mental illness contributed to. But, these moments also make me stronger, they help me continue fighting and caring for myself.

I've lost enough! Hell, it's even safe to say I've destroyed, but I can also say I am now gaining and creating.
Every single time I attend therapy, take medication as prescribed, talk about mental health related issues, listen and read others experiences, I build a defense against regress.
I remind myself that I cannot change my pass nor the hurt I caused, but I can certainly strive for a better today. 

I am not cured, I have made progress, that is huge, although others will not commend me for it, I must always be proud. I have an illness and when untreated it can be dangerous for me. I am however not my illness, Many don't understand this, but it is extremely important that I do.

As I'm finishing this post, I got a tweet from a fellow blogger Tina, over at http://bringingalongocd.blogspot.com/  she tweeted " you are strong, remember that."  That was a feel good moment, because that is part of the process for progress, inspiring and supporting one another. :-))

What helps you move forward and continue progress?



14 comments:

  1. Madison, I commend you for the progress that you've made. I'm not cured either, and I don't ever expect to be unless there's some big scientific breakthrough during my lifetime. But that's OK. There's always room for improvement and progress.

    I, too, have regrets over what I've lost because of mental illness, but we've gained a lot, too: strength, resilience, empathy for others.

    Take care, my friend.

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    1. Thank you Tina, I am grateful for your support.

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  2. Just seeing how far I came from all the crap i went through, keeps me going.

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  3. Hey Madison! I used to be really resentful of what my OCD took away from me. In recovery though, I'm starting to be able to let that go. OCD didn't take everything, and I'm slowly taking my life back a little at a time and that feels REALLY good. You should feel proud of your progress. I'm sure it was hard fought.

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    1. Hi 71°, wonderful how you are moving forward, thank you for the inspiration.

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  4. This is really inspiring Madison. Your perseverance really amazes me...this is a testament to your spirit.

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  5. Madison, thank you always for your transparency and support of encouragement. Blessings.

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    1. JBR, thank you. I treasure your encouragement.

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  6. I thought I better hop over her and see you since you left me a comment :) It is great when I get to read another mental health blog. Great stuff you got here. I have been in a bad funk lately and am trying to get out of it. I haven't been feeling so positive lately. I just waiting for this to pass, maybe getting back into therapy is the answer, who knows! Much <3 to you and your blog! Jamie @beingositivewithadepressivesoul

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    1. So glad you stopped by. It was a pleasure visiting your blog.

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  7. Like Pat, I have endured a lot of things that could have put me over the edge... Not sure why, but it has made me stronger.

    Happy too hear the meditation has helped you. We gotta do what we gotta do to stay healthy.

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    1. My Journey, yes we do. Amazing the strength we have.:)

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