I believe there are two sides to pride, a good side and a dark side. A few years back I had my first encounter with the dark side when I came across a very challenging situation which I had decided to handle completely on my own. It however, became clear that I could have used a helping hand or guidance from my fellow 12 step program friends.
My initial reaction and a pricey one at that was to make sure no one knew that my life was ready to take a nasty turn. My attitude about the whole situation was, "God forbid my friends and acquaintances found out I was going down again." I was so proud that I had overcome so many adversities and we had celebrated those milestones together that my pride urged me to appear in their eyes as if I had everything in control because if I didn't, that showed weakness and well, I was no longer weak. Or was I? I soon found out.
In general, I always understood and welcomed the fact that we as human beings are not perfect, we make mistakes and hopefully learn from them because it is part of the growing process. Well, folks that so called understanding went out the window along with humility, when I decided to keep it to myself instead of seeking help. It was a huge price to be paid for appearing as if everything was well put together and in control, that price included isolation, loneliness, and possibly could have even caused me my life.
Little did I know at the time the answer to the question I asked earlier, answer being “I became weak the minute I did not reach out for help and let pride get in the way.” All along I was still a strong woman; adversity, challenges, difficulties whatever we decide to call them they do not measure our strength and values. But the dark side of pride told me otherwise, it also taught me, but not a good kind of teaching, it taught me I had the potential of becoming an award winning actress; because while I was telling people how fantastic my life was with a big ole smile, the truth was I detested my very own existence.
Luckily, many of the principles and suggestions I had come to learn through my program, such as prayer, meditation, and divine guidance did not prolong the hefty price. I was able to bounce back in good time and during that time I learned a few extra valuable lessons, one of which was how unimportant it is to have pride especially if it means risking almost everything, and another being humility, and how quickly it will be forced on us if we don't graciously have it.