Sunday, October 9, 2011

Changes in relationships - Change in you

As time goes on in many relationships certain aspects of it can change and things such as chemistry,communication, sweaty palms, butterfly's in the stomach and quality time spent together become less. This can be difficult for a person or even both individuals involved in the relationship.

It is even safe to say that there are days and nights spent, being more concerned over the lives of our better halves then of our own life. Constantly worrying about their thoughts, whereabouts and what makes them happy without necessarily taking into account what makes us happy, and we must not forget the time some of us have invested conjuring up well thought out plans on how to bring the spice back into the relationship.

If this sounds at all too familiar than it may be time to put the focus back on you and find positive ways of building a life of your own.

At least that is what I did when the light bulb went on above my head, which by the way was always aching because I was always questioning my relationship or worrying about this, that or the other. And I soon found out that yes for many couples the honeymoon stages eventually does end and overtime responsibilities can become bigger along with bills. Yet, this does not mean that the love the both share for one another has dwindled or that either one has become less interesting. It can simply mean that things sometimes change or become different due to added responsibilities or change of schedules.

If all of the sudden romantic dinners and movies take a temporary back seat and reality sinks in and you are asking yourself, "is this it?" Hoping to get a glimpse of affection from him/her or something that signifies how it use to be and how inseparable you were as a couple and how desperately you want to feel that way again, Well, it may be time to shine a little light on you as a person and individual.

It may or may not be the way it use to be but, one thing you can change is yourself!
So basically what it boils down to is putting the focus back on your life before you become resentful and bitter toward your partner and even those around you because you are feeling unfulfilled. And it isn't hard to guess that eventually your relationship will begin to suffer as well, and you can possibly even seap into a depression because your needs are not being met and your expectations are to high.

Guess what? you can meet your needs! That's right. It is never healthy to wait or expect for others to meet your needs and fill your empty void, even if it is from your partner. So stop moping around and make things happen for you, surprise yourself and it may even bring joy back into your relationship.

Keep in mind that often finding our own interest and individuality can add to our relationship with others. Thus, giving us more to share and explore with our loved one and significant others.

Here are five great tips to lead the way:

1- Put some healthy space between you and your significant other. "Healthy," not space filled with worry, animosity or " I'll show you" notions. But the kind of space that you can use to filled with healthy things that interest you.

2- Do not isolate. Re-establish your relationships with your friends and family, you probably have lost touch since becoming consumed with your significant other.

3- Get involved in activities that will empower you such as taking a class on a subject that interest you, exercising (join a gym), volunteer for a good cause. Finding a hobby also helps a great deal, try crafting or painting.

4- Find some quiet time to do some soul searching, meditating, and perhaps even journal.

5- If you are caught in the grips of confusion and find it difficult to implement positive behaviors in your life, it may help to speak with a trained therapist.

In my experience, I have found it to be important to have a life of your own separate from the life with your partner. An individual should have there own thoughts, likes, dislikes, interest, values, opinions, etc. It’s what makes us who we are and it is what helps others to learn and experience life.

Our individual traits bring to the table the other part of what makes a relationship a whole. Allowing us to learn from one another and be amazed while at the same time being fulfilled with who we are as one.

This of course is all in my opinion and experience. Just thought I'd throw that in there. :-)



  1. Well said and thanks for linking these important tips up to my Monday Madness linky.

    It's easy to withdraw into the pleasant closeness of a relationship only to find, when it goes wrong, that you've lost other worthy relationships along the way - even one with yourself. I moved to Dubai with my husband for his job and have become isolated here. I'm fortunate in that I am very self-contained anyway. I find face to face communication quite wearing with people I don't know very well (and I mean VERY well - like for years - who I totally trust).

    Great post. Shah. X

  2. Shah, it is a pleasure having you stop by and read my post. I am so glad to have found your blog, it is very insightful, already I have read some awesome blogs through your Monday Madness Linky, thank you!!


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